Nothing is worth doing unless you can brag about it on the internet later.

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 21:58:11 GMT

Wet T-Shirt Indigo Girls Look-Alike Contest Dance Party!

Would you go?

Discuss!

It's the weekend!

Wed, 16 Apr 2008 20:55:05 GMT

Not really.

But that's what's so awesome about the "Not Cold Outside" Expo of 2008! It's my first day back at work and I'm ready to party like it's Friday! I have to be up at 5am! Who wants to get fucked up?

Party times every day because the sun exposure will render you exhausted at 9:30! All the reason to start partying at 6!

My week of unquestionable awesomeness started with picking up my hot new sparkly TRICYCLE MACHINE! It's the best! Red road-coached me to Lake Griffy. Everyone's SHOCKED I rode there! But I am like, "Shit! It was fun!" Then I hi-five them, jump up and land making the "hang loose" gesture and then eat some extreme-ass Doritos. Going to Lake Griify was like drinking Mountain Dew and chewing Juicy Fruit at the same time. I would do it again and do it harder! Cars scare me but hills just take a lot of work!

The woods smelled like Axe body spray-- seriously! This vgl jock dude was running through the woods, possibly in search of rt, and when he whizzed past me I could smell his grody toiletry products.

I plunged into the coldest water of my life. It felt so good to warm up so quickly in the sun.

It doesn't get much better than your own nudity outdoors!

Vote for The Best Year Ever in 2008!

Fri, 11 Apr 2008 04:41:29 GMT

Some stuff:

My trike is being built pretty much right now and I am shitting my pants. I hope it's ready tomorrow! It'll be the third day! I am freaking out excited about it! I am gonna be 'bout it 'bout it on that shit!

Tomorrow will be a stressful morning... this mean man is getting fired first thing in the morning and I will be there! Yikes!

I went to Rachel's for the first time tonight-- OMG! I only experienced it visually but it was seriously like I was in The Peach Pit with Kelly and Donna. I went there with Red for a party that was over! But it was cool. We got soaked and ate at Subway!

Seriously... like 5 minutes ago I was shitting my pants!

Polyamory is dumb.

Sat, 05 Apr 2008 12:34:55 GMT

I see people trying to be inclusive of "poly" people in communities and stuff and I think it is the dumbest thing to worry about.

And sorry, it's a dumb thing to even claim as an identity! I have ongoing sexual relationships with guys that have ongoing relationships with each other. We call this "fucking" and/or "dating". I just think values about this are already pretty established in the queer community. If I ever see a P next to an LGBT, I'll kill myself.

New e-mail address!

Tue, 18 Mar 2008 18:03:57 GMT

I am sick of getting 200+ spam messages a day and not even being able to skim them to see my five or six MySpace and LJ alerts... I am also fucking sick of using web-based Outlook hideous bullshit. Back to a POP client for me. Thanks GMail!

derrickblair@gmail.com

I didn't work yesterday! And I don't have to work today!

Tue, 18 Mar 2008 17:56:57 GMT

That's right, people: I now get two (2) days off a week like a normal person!

For half the fall and all of winter I worked two jobs. Two days at one non-demanding job and five at an extremely demanding one. I was coming to a point where I knew I needed to let the two days at the grocery go, and being sick for an entire fucking month was the final straw.

I feel like I talked endlessly with everyone about what I went through. The infections, the pain, losing the ability to walk or even stand up at the end... Red waiting on me hand and foot tirelessly-- from helping me get dressed to cooking for me to clicking on YouTube videos! Basically every other woman I knew helped with something. Tess gave me DVD's to watch and drove me to the hospital. My room mate Jessica helped buy me groceries and talked me into going to the hospital the first time. My mom came from Ohio for some much-needed emotional support. Bill and Julie brought me all of my favorite snacks!

I ended up with a huge abscess in my buttcrack that had to get lanced, leaving a gigantic flappy gaping wound with LIPS. I am completely back to normal and I don't have to wear pads anymore. It's fantastic.

I basically feel like I am starting over. The spring is doing a good job of coming together, I have a new position at The Bakehouse-- leaving the kitchen and on my way to commanding front of house. I will take that shit over! For now I feel like I am drifting aimlessly out there, trying to figure out my role and performing seemingly unimportant tasks while complaining about doing what is expected of me. But that's just how it is, and then BOOM I'm doing it my way and it works better than the old routine anyway. I saw it go down in the kitchen... then Red came into a position of taking over and I was like "THANK GOD!" I feel well-suited in the front though and I know it's gonna be a good deal. WHEEE!!!

Where is my fucking tricycle??? In the back hallway!!! Hopefully next month I have the money to get it built.

WheeEEEeEeeEEEeee!

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 17:56:39 GMT

DJ Shadow is a PM Dawn Tribute Band.

In my studies today on the internet, I have learned that PM Dawn really wasn't bad! Not that I disliked it at the time, it was good to hear on the radio, but I never bought it because I thought it was probably for Moms. Their cover of Jimi Hendrix's "You Got Me Floatin'" is awesome! I translated the lyrics into Italian and then back into English. Hilarity!

You have obtained me the floatin' round and round
You have reduced me the floatin'
Never have you obtained the floatin' to me
naturally you have obtained to me floating

Foolish mother of yours and cold daddy the nobody
Both know that they are heads over the heels for you
And when the day is melted in a red sleepy incandescence
That one is when my desires begin to show.

Fri, 15 Feb 2008 17:03:47 GMT

My tricycle ships today!!! WHEEE!!! It should be here in a week and then I just have to get it assembled in town.

They only had the blue 3-speed model but I couldn't stand waiting. I'm not putting my life on hold for a color. Besides, I will paint that shit with fingernail polish over the course of a year if I have to. I don't CARE.

Stop the press!!!

Sat, 09 Feb 2008 14:16:43 GMT

Janet Jackson's new song/video is stupid and embarrassing and pointless. I'm sure everyone I associate with will be STUNNED by this earth shattering news! She has been officially geared towards pleasing and entertaining the worst kind of male homosexual for years, but this takes the cake. I just had to let it all out.

The hottest trike in town.

Wed, 06 Feb 2008 10:44:49 GMT

My trike started having problems before last fall... the chain kept popping off when I rode it, which is positively TERRIFYING when you're in the street with cars, let me tell you. I also loosened the seat to raise it and then it did NOT want to tighten back up, it has been out of commission for MONTHS, leaving me to walk a mile into town to work EVERYDAY instead of just sitting on a chair and gliding down 6th street in mere minutes.

BUT! Next week I will have enough money to get THIS:

I am so excited. 3-speed trike!!! I can't wait to speed around town again!!! My whole life has exisited within one mile since my previous trike broke down. But I am getting this badass shit and donating my former trike right back to the Bike Project from whence it came. I will go to any grocery store I want, I can make several trips into town without crying about it! I can carry more than one bag of groceries without dying!

I also think I will be WAY more confident on the road with this one too. Just because I won't be so scared that it will fall apart and crumble beneath me, and I will be able to go faster. Plus, all new confidence as a trike rider. I love it! FUCK learning to ride a bike! I am 28 years old. I have made it this far.

I finally have it budgeted out. I have no idea why I have waited so long. But oh well, my woes are nearly over. And I REALLY can't wait for spring.

Aren't three paycheck months nice? How did I not see this one coming?

Shit is Awesome!

Sat, 02 Feb 2008 17:53:30 GMT

I happened upon this today and can't believe I haven't been seeing it all over the internet cuz it's wicked!

The Real Heat

THE REAL HEAT on MySpace
"Come We Go" and "Stand and Deliver" are fucking killer! They are three sisters from London, and produce all their own shit and have released several singles on their own label.

I had the day off yesterday and it was awesome. I was so sick about a week ago I had to take two days off, so those didn't really count as a break.

I can't stop listening to this dude's YouTube account...

http://www.youtube.com/user/HardcoreNoise

191 songs!!! All from his late 80's / early 90's acid and hardcore 12"s. I have smoked so much weed, and I am DYING BY THE BASS!!!! Church of Extacy, Awesome 3, Altern 8, Acen, tons of XL stuff... it goes on and ON. It just never ends. I'm in heaven!

By the end of the day I'll be speaking in breakbeats!

I don't have to work til 3! WHEEE!

ALSO! DUH! How did I never know about the Acen remix of "I Got Soul" by Eric B and Rakim??? WHAT????

There's acid in the house!

Fri, 01 Feb 2008 17:53:32 GMT

This is a video valentine for Chris and Harold:

oOMGg!

Thu, 10 Jan 2008 01:10:27 GMT

Cranky grind noises and drums played by dead people!!! The new Magnetic Fields album is good! It's true!!!

IU is Red Hot

Thu, 23 Aug 2007 23:03:23 GMT

When you work in Bloomington food service, or just any type of service in general, your work load is mainly determined by what the students are doing. Are they moving out? Are they moving in? Is it finals week? Do they love tuna salad?

This week, they are moving back to Bloomington, and they LOVE tuna salad. So do their parents!

The kitchen where I work is kind of a mess. It's a different kitchen every week! Things end up getting stored different places, in different kinds of containers. Sometimes things are prepped up, sometimes you have to do them on the fly. Sometimes you just have to make shit up! Never the same sandwich twice! Sometimes a sauce is green and creamy, sometimes it's chunky with green specks in it. Who knows? Who made it? Whoever had the time. Did they label it? Maybe!

Yesterday I made chicken salad, tuna salad, meat soup, vegetarian soup, countless condiments and sauces, grilled muchrooms galore, and today I did it all over again because we were out, and then I did it AGAIN because I do NOT want to do it tomorrow. Our customer load can seriously plow through five gallons each of tuna and chicken salad in a single day. Chicken salad involves slicing grapes in half by the hundreds, and the new tuna salad involves mincing bunches and bunches of tiny green leaves of all sorts-- cilantro, mint, and green onions. My hand has been split open in one place from all of the knife work, not that slipping on a wet floor and driving my hand between the grates in the kitchen shelving helped this. My hands feel a lot like a ballerina's feet often do.

I spent ten hours there yesterday and almost twelve today. I probably have a tan from standing in front of a sofa-sized griddle all day.

Sandwiches, sandwiches, sandwiches!

I kept myself going today by playing a fun game: How many pints of grape tomatoes can I eat one-by-one each time I go into the walk-in cooler??? The answer: Almost two! Each and every one was fucking delicious. A taut red skin to snap through and sweet seedy juice each time. Not a single one was bad. Thanks, Spencer Produce! Your tomatoes are real quality!

Breakfast wasn't very busy and we prepped like mad the whole time. My pancakes were light fluffy gorgeous, perfectly rounded, and grill-scab free. Each order of french toast smelled wonderful even to me. BEHOLD!

Just two days in this week and my entire mind is work-occupied. I'm drinking gin&tonic like it's Coke-a-Cola and listening to every song I've ever recorded to remind myself that I have done things in life besides fry eggs.

I produced a mountain of dishes. You have no idea. And everything in the pile had been washed once or twice by myself and used again immediately. The silent tow-headed teenaged night time dishwasher arrived as I was leaving and started right in without a single complaint, which was a relief.

Phew. STARVING.

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 22:42:40 GMT

JUNE 8TH: Name Your Poison Day

Name Your Poison Day is a day to make a choice. The term "Name Your Poison" is commonly used to suggest that you select among a number of options.

This term has a negative connotation. The origin of this term is unknown. But, at the time, it probably referred to some unhappy choice. It is commonly used when asking someone what type of alcoholic drink they want. But, it is also used to refer to any choice of options, good or bad. For example, "Name Your Poison" may refer to selecting an ice cream flavor, a dessert choice, etc.

Celebrate today by making a decision..... Name Your Poison.

http://www.holidayinsights.com/

I'm terrified.

Fri, 13 Jul 2007 23:52:16 GMT

Watch suggestive clips of tough macho men putting Gold Bond Medicated Powder on their junk!

http://www.powdermyequipment.com/

Nothing has been so sick since Terminex's talking house!

ALL I CAN SEE IS PUS!!!

Wed, 04 Jul 2007 17:02:45 GMT

I have a zit in my EYE! It is SOOO gross! Probably the single most humiliating skin lesion ever to happen to me. I post this so everyone will feel sorry for me. I can SEE it!!! I thought it was a sty or a chalazion but it's not like that, I think it is totally just a grody zit! It's right beneath my lower eyelid. If it was anywhere else on my face I would totally rip it open but seriously what do you do???

Prostitution in a large American city and a man who films them.

Mon, 11 Jun 2007 21:04:34 GMT

I am livid.

I stumbled across a video interview with a street prostitute... a tired-eyed woman eating corn on the cob talking about her recent findings that she was infected with HIV and Hep-C. I noticed the poster of this video had several videos and watched a few, thinking they might be interesting-- WOOO! I quickly realized that any sensitivity I perceived going on in the director/subject relationship here was PURELY coincidental.

This idiot who thinks he is this real crime-biter likes to go around with a video camera filming prostitutes and their johns and then berating the women after the john leaves thinking he is performing some sore of public service in the name of "families" and "children". It's seriously like a street hooker version of Girls Gone Wild. It's sickening. Then hundreds of comments are left mocking the women for being ugly, slutty, HIV-spreading "murderers", unworthy of compassion assistance sympathy understanding or pity, et cetera.

One commenter, beating the dead horse of a credit card ad campaign, said in reference to one clip "Leather vest: $50; Hooker: $200; Getting caught having sex with a total crackwhore: priceless" $200??? REALLY????? Is that what people think street prostitutes make on one trick?? Like they don't get their money and drugs stolen, beat up, ripped off... People are so ignorant about who gets hurt by prostitution. Some of the WINNING comments on his profile include:

"Keep up the good job."
"love the kind of things u do to help ur city man...!!!!"
"Its nice to see you are doing something for your community by exposing prostitutes. Good work. I subscribed to your vids."
"I really hope you get paid back for all the hard work you do."

I subscribe to your vids??? WHY??? And should you get paid for looking around your city for prostitutes, finding them (imagine that!) and filming it to put on YouTube??? I just feel like it just really shows that people want to criminalize women in general, like they are the wicked and evil perpetrators of crime in this situation. Not to mention that they get kicks out of seeing women forced down by horrible situations, and getting caught in acts they feel are shameful and horrible.

I lived on the hottest block for prostitution in Cincinnati for almost two years and saw it going on everyday at lunch time. I don't give a shit about "families" and "children" and the imagined harm they suffer at the hands of prostitutes. These women are from families themselves, and often have children!!! Don't those children matter?

Women don't wake up in the morning and think "I'm becoming a prostitute today!" but men do decide "I'm going to look for a hooker today at lunch."

I tried commenting on this guy's profile to add a grain of salt to the thoughts of his devoted subscribing fans, but for some reason it didn't let me post it. I just had to vent about it. Back me up, choir!

NEW FPS SONG! "PERM"

Wed, 06 Jun 2007 22:15:01 GMT

It's all about PERMS!

I have a show this Sunday at Sweet Hickory, 7:30!!! It's only $3 and it'll be so fun! Get your perm on!

The internet is such a great place I want to live there!

Sun, 22 Apr 2007 22:09:41 GMT

Here's my Meez avatar. He wants to hang out with Queen Knobtweeka!

Meez is so fun! I love "being creative" by engaging in virtual consumerism*. Let's discuss!

*I practically owe Kristy Chan royalties on this comment.

Sun, 22 Apr 2007 11:33:02 GMT

Oh my god, my week is almost over! I'm so excited. This bike race is going on in Bloomington, Little 500. It brings a lot of people to town to say the least. The tourism, on top of the students who are able to eat out every fucking day creates a LOT of customers! I'm working at The Bakehouse and it has been what I call MURDER. It is non-stop stevedore-style sandwich making, you would not believe it. It's 4 people making about 30 sandwiches every 10 minutes. I'm not kidding.

I have been living the bear lifestyle-- I work, go to bed, wake up to eat, and go back to bed. But I do love my job and my two days off seem to last forever.

Justin and I watched the new Ugly Betty last night, I'm so hooked. We've also been consumed with The Search for the Next Doll! WHO WILL WIN? Fuck you, Melissa S!

Last Supper

Fri, 23 Mar 2007 05:00:28 GMT

Justin, Jessica, Brent, and I discussed what we wanted for our last meal when we're about to be killed by the government. I don't have much of an idea-- Totino's pizza and Haribo gummi bears. Justin wants a nice Tofurkey. Jessica wants a bowl of white rice-- plain. I love her somber last meal.

Jessica said if she could choose her method of execution she would select being burned on a stake before a willing public, and she would want her family there to witness her "final performance", which would be lots of hysterical screaming.

Then we discussed: Marriage is bullshit, why bother?

I love my new job, cooking soups and frying eggs and stuff, and making PIZZAS!!! Pizzas are so fun, they are so huge. Like, the biggest. And I slide them into the oven on a piel and everything. It's my fave! I make them with real pizazz! Plus when I take them out of the kitchen into the oven I feel like I have the most serious and important task ever. I miss sandwiches though, but I get to do some of those too. WHEEE!!!

Sexy Sunday Carwash

Thu, 15 Mar 2007 18:19:44 GMT

Spring had arrived, it was actually warm. I was about to get fired and had tons of shit to do (making a prom poster, helping Jessica with her prom cover band, cleaning my room, laundry, etc...) but getting drunk first thing when I woke up seemed like a GREAT idea! It was 1pm and I was invited to Amy's for mimosas. WHY NOT? Ali was in town, Amy just got fired, I was about to get fired the next day, and Madi was going to get fired the day after that. I took my shirt off and washed Hannah's car with Sparky!! Ali took these photos:

Jessica was there and this very carwash launched JobCamp 2007. Jessica has been unemployed since Thanksgiving when our jobs at Encore Cafe were put on hold while it is converted into a grocery. I've been poor, she's been restless... we decided we should do a "job" every day. We helped Sparky paint her new home/office the prettiest colors. We even painted a radiator and some pipes: FABULOUS. Then we cleaned off the porch here at my house. I love JobCamp! We also have a brilliant scheme to be the poolboy for a lez in town with a hot tub!!! The payment? Getting to sit in that hot tub!!!

In other news, Justin talked to an ex-boss of mine while she was grocerying and she has a job for me!!! I start Saturday morning in a kitchen of a sandwich/coffee shop. Perfect!

ALSO! I have to add: Public sexy carwashes are 10,000 times cooler than skateboarding.

Cuz I'm a boss!

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 23:14:52 GMT

I basically got fired for asking for a job today! Strangely, it's been a wonderful day. I was prepared, I had a case for myself and other hard working people and defended it tooth and nail! It was seriously an offer this guy couldn't refuse and he did! But then listened to me tell him how he was foolish and wrong for a good hour! It was like being at moral war kind of. I pled my case and lost, whatever.

Jessica drove me to the grocery and I made us sandwiches. We decided to enter Job Camp together. Where I look for a job each day and complete a task in each of our homes with her. It's so wholesome.

Here's a video of me at what is no longer my job, camera by Amy.

Sweet Wheelz - Wheee!!!

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 22:45:50 GMT

Here's a one-minute video of me and Amber riding around on my hothothot new tricycle. It has a huge basket with straps made out of innertubes to hold your cargo down. I carried a gigantic bag of wigs, a sack of clothes, and a pie to Justin's on it last week. As slow as it is, it's still a lot faster than walking. Riding it feels like I've turned into rollerskates. I'm excited to get on a bike this spring/summer! I've flirted with the idea the last few years but this time I am totally 100% excited. I still have problems believing bikes don't just fall over, even with daily visual proof that they don't. With my recent resolution to never drive a car again, being able to ride a bike will most likely change my life for the better.