Derrick Blair's Friends

Negotiating With Strangers and Loved Ones
    When I am in public and virtually everyone around me is a stranger, the moment I interact with someone I am most commonly referred to as a woman. When I am in a social gathering with close friends and known acquaintances, it seems like my womanhood is not respected by some people who know my situation and genuinely care about me.

I am not one to demand recognition, but sometimes my friends attitude or approach towards my gender identity seems trite...yet it seems like they're trying very hard to understand me and my situation..otherwise they wouldn't take time out of their day to make plans with me.

I'm tired of feeling the pressure of negotiating my identity for people (in work*particularly*, in play, in organizing, in the day-to-day) just because I happen to be visible to them in a given moment. I'll probably be dealing with this conflict for years to come, I primarily wish that those who feel that they know me better than most wouldn't attempt to promote me to their friends as a masculine individual, "he", etc...when they know very well that I don't identify as male.   I'm aware that some people don't think it's kosher to disclose to strangers about a friend, and I agree..but even in that case I'd prefer if the gender-specific pronouns were dropped. I'm aware that my presentation is malleable, and I do have masculine traits as much as I have feminine traits...I just feel that my femininity should not be debated upon, and my masculinity should not be the fall-back subject-- Because my femininity is dominant, and I am a woman, and whatever my anatomy may be should not be the focus at hand.

I feel like this is really buggering me, but I feel like I have a better understanding of the issue at hand I feel like I'm not stressing so much...It's just very disheartening when those I've been intimate with don't seem to be respecting my gender identity, while strangers refer to me in the proper pronoun without question.

Thoughts?

Love,
         Noa

Sealing A Name Change?
Curious if anyone has had any experience or luck with getting a name change record sealed?

I want to change my name again, and go more stealthy. But I worry about the name change record being widely available online. The way the internet/google is going it seems like there's no option to keep a name change under wraps. Most counties in California at least digitize all their court documents and you can literally pull up the exact document. Though, luckily some counties DO automatically seal court ordered gender changes, like they did with mine.

I've talked with the Transgender Law Center, the National Center for Lesbian Rights, and a few lawyers and none of them have been much help. They all indicate they've never heard of someone wanting to seal a name change record, and don't think it's possible. So maybe its not. Anyone had any experience otherwise?

In california, one can get the record sealed and even get a new SS number if you're a victim of domestic abuse or a stalker. I considered faking a stalker in order to do this, but my friends persuaded me against this idea...might be big trouble if caught

I got my T Letter!!!!
I got my T letter today!!! I am so friggin happy!!!! I knew that my therapist was working on it, but I didn't think that she would have it done today. This day keeps getting better and better, I got a job too and I found a ride for my fiancee to come this weekend so we can celebrate our anniversary and go to our friends' wedding!!

I have packed away Nicola's belongings and put them in storage.

I have come to the conclusion that I have body issues not gender issues and on that diagnosis I have come terms with my past actions.

Current Mood: calm

A few posts back
That was a discussion about proper terminology. This got me thinking...
(I know...right...DUCK!) Is there a list of proper terminology that I could copy and post round the office? I don't feel a huge need to reinvent the wheel...& I do, not so fondly remember when so many of the terms we use were an absolute mystery to me. I think that more exposure to proper terminology could do nothing to hurt, and might go miles in avoiding conflict by mishap.
So…
Anyone know of a good list?

I have some sad news for the community. I don't expect any of you knew her, but a transwoman named Lucille died this weekend. I met her when she spoke to people at my school about trans issues. she was an active member of the community, a brave, beautiful, and fucking fabulous woman, and I didn't know her that well but her death has me shaken up. I had a lot of respect for her...I don't even know what to say.

of course, the newspapers in the town where she died refuse to use the appropriate gender, and furthermore they are immediately making typical racist assumptions about the nature of her religion. She had traveled to New Jersey from Arkansas to participate in a Voodoo cleansing ritual, after the ritual everyone went to sleep, and Lucie never woke up. The ritual had nothing to do with her death, but the headlines are reading "VOODOO CEREMONY GONE BAD!" the paper is making it clear exactly what we, the white christian public, should think about african traditional religion.

moreover the first two comments on her obituary are mocking.

if you feel so moved to let the Gloucester County Times know what you think of their coverage of this tragedy, I encourage you to comment or contact the paper.

here is the story.
( and here is Lucie )

Stealth Living -- Need Guidance

Greetings

How does one go about learning the practicalities of living stealth? And what about other details of long-term post-transition living? I’d really love guidance/advice on stealth, and am having great difficulty finding people with experience who can answer my questions.

This makes sense, as of course stealth folks wouldn’t want to be found. But surely there must be someway to find someone to talk with. Any advice? Are there other forums to check out? People to contact? Is there anyone here who'd be willing and able to answer some questions about their experience?

I am in my mid 20s, blend very well, and basically my idea is to change my name (again) and move to a new city. But before I make the move I’d really like to hear some guidance from a big sister, as it were. Any ideas? Thanks!

SRS while Overweight?
I looked through the tags and didn't see anything about this, so I figured I'd ask.

I'm beginning to research surgeons so I can get my ducks in a row and know what to expect. I'm lucky enough to have insurance that will cover insurance, but the stipulations and conditions and hoops I'll have to go through to find a surgeon already seems daunting. I also was born in Illinois; So, for insurance purposes and Illinois' stupid birth certificate laws (for now) I need to find an SRS surgeon in the United States for $20,000 or less. So far, I've found the major names of course.. Bowers, Meltzer, and Brassard (not sure if Insurance would work with Brassard), Reed (which from everything I've read is a big no-no), and Christine McGinn.

Here's where the problem comes in, and I have to imagine I'm not the only one with this problem:
I'm overweight. Now, to be fair, I don't -look- all that overweight, and I mainly carry my weight in my belly. My arms and legs are actually very toned. I'm about 5'8", and at last doctor's appointment weighed about 298. (Still don't look it though).

Just about every surgeon's information I've found have weight restrictions; Bowers site I believe states patients should be 210lbs or less, McGinn's states patients should have a BMI of 28 or less (which for 5'8" is about 170lbs. Get Real.)

I know that I can't be the only overweight MTF person in the world, and I know that there have to have been others who have successfully had SRS. I can't imagine surgeons would turn away clients based on weight issues alone.

So then, does anyone out there have any experiences with surgeons / surgery and weight issues? I'm willing to try to lose weight, but I don't think that trying to lose 100+ lbs in the next 1-2 years is all that practical, feasible, or realistic.

x-posted to

mtf,

mtf_plussize and

transgender

So, I have a question about testosterone vs. estrogen.

I went to the doctor on Friday as a walk-in patient and I explained my situation and gave him my letter from my psychologist. His original plan of action was to put me on a testosterone blocker for a couple of months and then introduce estrogen, however I told him I'm moving to Vancouver at the end of the month when he told me that the T-blocker would require numerous blood tests. He decided that because I'm going to be leaving it'd be pointless to do blood work now and then have to do it all over again when I get there as they won't have been there from the beginning and be as knowledgeable about my history, so he put me on .625 milligrams of estrogen for the first two weeks at one tablet a day, and then after the two weeks I begin taking two tablets, and after a couple of months I'm to find a doctor in Vancouver and start doing the t-blocker.

So my questions are these: Has anyone else done this, and will the testosterone in my system severely limit the effects of the estrogen while I'm on them pre-blocker, or will the estrogen basically just do its thing around the testosterone?

Feminijas 1, Transphobic Pharmacy 0
This morning we held our protest. Lu's Pharmacy decided to show their true colours and closed rather than allow us inside. We held our protest anyway, and got on camera doing so.
My prescription for Lu's: Take two doses of tolerance and call me in the morning.

Xposted

JSYK
everything is/was/will be my fault. blame your problems on me here in the comments. i accept responsibility. and I apologise in advance. TYVM.

she's always ready with a zinger
"Why give trans women help when you can give trans men attention?"

--JULIE BLAIR

FFS
Well now I am obsessed with having FFS done on my brow bone! I keep looking at the brow bone and I get so depressed seeing it. I don't think I have a huge brow bone(I probably do but don't notice it like others would), but more than I want. I really want to get rid of it someday(sooner than later), but I am so scared of the surgery and concerned with the costs. I know overseas is the place where many go, but I am afraid of traveling across the ocean. What surgeons would any of you recommend that have an exceptional track record, and are not over priced in the states?

Thanks :)

Current Mood: tired

Girlfriend
So, this girl and I have known each other for 2 years, but only started dating a few weeks ago. I know she identifies herself as a lesbian, but she asked me out and we had a discussion about whether or not she understood that I am a MAN. SHe said that she did, so I said sure. All the time that we spend together... I don't know she looks at me as if she really adores me. I feel pretty similarly. I never felt like we were "the lesbian and her tranny boyfriend", I just felt like we were us... until now. The other day, I said to her, "I'm thinking about try to get on testosterone. How do you feel about that." I admit that it was kind of a lie because I'm not just thinking about it, I've been trying really hard to get it for almost a year now. She said "Why should it make any difference to me?" and I was pretty ok with that answer. But then today, we were talking about Max from the L-word and I said, jokingly, "haha, that's me in a few months." I have to admit that this was also a small lie because it's not so much as a few months as... I little less than a month. She responded with surprise and wanted to know "what changes" she would expect. Now, I know my effects of T pretty well, but... I guess I have two questions:

1) Has any one else here ever been in a relationship with some one whose sexual identity doesn't exactly match your gender so much as your sex? If so, should I be worried? I feel worried... I like... her

2) What are some effects of T that I really really need to remember to say when we have our conversation? Are there any that you've accidently scared any on with? I don't want to... surprise her too much.

Help appreciated... >.>

-James

Hello everyone

I've looked around the past couple of days on here, and I decided to make an introduction.

Name's Dominick, how 'ya do? I'm just under 20, and I am a FTM. I used to live in Oklahoma, but due to home situation I moved to Bangor, Maine (on my own at the start. I managed to find several great people to share rent in an apartment).

I'm still frustrated at my current state in transition, which has stalled due to financial reasons. I am in therapy, have been diagnosed with GID, and now I am stuck. Money, money, money, everyone wants money that I do not have to give.

Aside from that, I am a bit of a bibliophile, I like bowling, billiards, art, Galaga, and Sherlockiana.

I hope to talk to some of you guys, gals, in-betweens and off-the-charts soon!

Butch transwomen, out of the woodwork with you
Hi everyone. I've been needing to do this for a while, so here I am. This will be an introductory post in part - my thoughts, doubts, and questions will follow.

You may call me Kat - I am 23 years old and have been transitioning from male to female for the past four years or so. I've been on hormones for a bit over two. I have not had surgery done, nor do I, in the foreseeable future, intend to have it done.

All throughout my transition I have had doubts, and recent events have only magnified them. I need to get this stuff off my chest or I will not be able to have any sort of peace.

So with the introduction basically out of the way, allow me to get to the heart of the matter.... ( Read more... )

Current Mood: worried

Hello from sunny North Carolina!
Hi! I've been lurking in the community for a long time now, the better part of a year now for sure. I don't know that I've ever said anything, but I decided all of a sudden-like that I would post!

My chosen name is "Mina," with a middle name largely up in the air (I want my parents to have a say in it for sentimental reasons). I'm 22, and have technically started transition, though have made next to no progress. Currently attending school, etc etc.

This community has seemed friendly and very helpful while I've been a spectator, so even for the little I will probably participate from here on out, I hope we will get along!

First week in Guatemala
I've been in Guatemala now for just a few days, but it is as if I never left. On Sunday evening, I happened to run into Alvaro on the street outside my old favorite cafe. I got a bed at the house in Antigua where I lived for a month or so last week. And on Monday I went to work at the Archive. Monday night, I hung around the Outdoor Xcursions house with the other folks living here, taking stupid pictures and talking. There was also some good dance partying.

Tuesday was more of the same archival work and a trip to the grocery for food.

Wednesday, today, was the day when I remembered that I won't be here for as long as I was last year, and so I have to step up the pace of my work. So, I sent a bunch of emails to people about making appointments next week in the city even though I find the city a terribly stressful and isolating place to live. To make sure I make it happen, I've made some dates for meetings and things. It will be okay.

I also went to the market today and got some veg. Here's the cost breakdown:
+ 7 roma tomatoes = 2.50Q = $0.30
+ 3 onions = 3.50Q = $0.45
+ 3 jalpenos = 1Q = $0.13
+ 4 or 5 limes = 5Q = $0.63
+ 5 green apples = 10Q = $1.13

Seriously. I wanted some avocado, but it's not quite time for the harvest yet.

Tomorrow, Thursday, my good friend Chris returns to Antigua. He was my best friend last year and I am more than thrilled to see his silly face once more.

Damn
I finally found the magic bullet for my allergies: Astepro. It's the same thing as Astelin, but they changed the formula so it tastes different because apparently people HATED the taste of Astelin. Anyway, I digress. It's a nasal spray that is an antihistamine so it clears the swelling in my nose without steroids! Here's why I'm complaining: my neurologist wants me to have allergy testing done. She thinks my allergies are making my migraines worse. (duh). So in order to get allergy testing done, I have to stop using the Astepro for a week before the test! I just fell in love with breathing through my nose and they're taking it away! so unfaaaaiiirrr.

Update on the Verapamil: so far so good. On day two of it and have not had any hallucinations or paralyzing stupidity, a la Topamax. My pulse has slowed down, but not dangerously low. It's probably gone from 80 or 90 to about 70, resting. It'll probably go back up as I get used to the meds, I'm usually really sensitive when I first start new things.

I have big stuff to blog about re: work, but I'm going to bed, so I'll get to that tomorrow.

Current Mood: lazy

Rhinoplasty and Tracheal Shave in the UK - cost and quality (cross-posted from TGUK)
Hello! I am after a decent nose job (mine is large, fifteen-times broken and way off to the right) and a tracheal shave in the UK. I'd prefer not to look like the late Mr Jackson, nor to have my voice ruined. But I am shocked by the estimate I received yesterday.

Hesham Saleh and Guri Sandhu work together and apparently do a very good job of rhinoplasties and tracheal shaves. I phoned up their secretary and now sort of wish I hadn’t.

The cost of the consultation is £200 each. The tracheal shave will cost £900. The rhinoplasty will cost between £1,500 and £3,000 (I will know at the consultation). The anaesthetist will cost £450. And the facilities at Charing Cross will cost between £3,000 and £3,700.

That means at the best, both operations will cost me £6,250. And at worst they will cost me £8,450. Even if I ditch the nose and go for the Adam’s apple, that’ll be between £4,550 and £5,250.

Does anyone have experience of good ops at beter prices?

Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: PJ

Should I post this as a note/bulliten on Facebook & MySpace? I mean, It's not the most ideal means of coming out, but it's how I did it the last time (when I came out as gay), and my parents know. One of my sisters knows, I don't know about the other one. I'm pretty sure my Aunt knows.

Who am I? I am not your average fifteen, soon to be sixteen, year old. I believe that word choices are connected to character. I think that "passcode" sounds cooler than "password," but I wouldn't dare to use it. I am quiet in defeat...most of the time. I find that people don't speak when they should, and vice versa. I fumble often, but I keep going, and think that counts for something. And I forget, almost everyday, that I am not seen as who I view myself as.

"Who is that?", you ask.

Well, I shall answer you.

I am Ian. Ian is not very different from Valerie, you can trust me on that one. Ian just lacks a chest, and goes by male pronouns. Still very much the same person, though, I guarantee. Ian also does not refer to himself in third person (often), this is all for the sake of argument.

About an hour and a half ago (so...1:30-ish), I posted it.

Then, my Mom came into my room and talked to me. Told me that she wanted me to take it down, because she never showed my sister the letter I gave to her and my Dad, which I actually said they could. Then, she went on to say that I wasn't thinking about how this would affect my sister, with her going to school with me, and all. Like the fact that I'm trans is going to somehow ruin my sister's life? I understand that my sister has a serious anxiety disorder, I do, and that me being out would servely damage my sister's social-butterfly status. It's just frustrating that somehow her social life is more important that my sanity.

(x-posted to my journal)

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: The News / Natural Mystic - Jack Johnson

Two

from the sketchbook...

Current Mood: zombie
Current Music: damn construction outside my window

Gay Scientists Isolate Christian Gene

Love,
Lilly A. Noodle, Queen Of the Waffle, Defender of Toast
=^_^=

I did it!
Well after years of wanting to tell my parents I finally did it tonight! I took the leap. I told my Mom first and she took it way better than I would have expected. She was probing at me wondering what was wrong, and why I have been so down lately. I explained to her it's big. She asks, "Are you gay?" I said no that would be easy. She then had a look on her face. I asked her if she knew what transgender meant. She said,"Nope. Does that mean you like both?" I replied, "That's bi, and no I am not bi." I continued on and explained to her what it meant, and that I am transitioning from male to female. I told her I have been seeing a therapist and doctors for the past 6 months, and that I am being responsible about this. She said, "Well we are here to support you no matter what. We love you and the way I see it I still have 3 kids." That meant SO much to me. I almost broke down and cried, but was too nervous still to do so.

I gave her the letter I composed, and she said she will give it to my Dad. She said he will call you and set a time to talk. He just called a bit ago and said basically the same thing my Mom did. I am so relieved and happy right now. I know this is the first step in them learning to deal with this, but at least I didn't get the reaction I was expecting.

Current Mood: happy

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